Charlie's Arrival

I am sitting down to write this post so I remember my labor just like it happened. So many times people would tell me their own story or to tell how beautiful and spiritual the labor experience had been. I usually just listened, but the only thing on my mind was "at least he'll be on his way out." But my experience on the 27th & 28th of May was just that...so mind blowing, it was spiritual, beautiful and completely sacred to Nick and me.

I didn't go into pregnancy with the intention of having a natural birth. It wasn't even something that crossed my mind until sometime around my 30th week. I was bummed with life. I had started to slow down in the pool and my running (trotting) had come to a major halt. I was walking on the treadmill at the speed of SLOW, taking 50 minutes to walk 3 miles. You see, working out had always been consent in my life and it always provided me with goals and results. So as I was talking to Jenni on the phone, asking again, what type of pain I should be expecting to experience, did the idea of a natural birth come up. Like everyone else, the pain was indescribable but she suggested that I try it. Bing! A goal!

Disclaimer: My decision to have a natural birth is in no way a judgement on how any other woman gives birth, just a mere suggestion en route to self-discovery.

We spent time watching videos in our birthing classes and you would see women naked and breathing, grunting, counting and making crazy screams. "That won't be me", I thought. Nick would say, "those women don't manage pain very well." But this pain was a type of pain women couldn't describe, how did we know how I would manage it?

Well the day came, 21 days early...I had been uncomfortable all freakin' day! Up to that day, I just felt fat, not uncomfortable. In reality, I just thought is was probably about time I start feeling weird, that means it is coming to an end. That night, I slept on the couch so I could have something to lean against and I was waking up every hour to pee or readjust.

THEN, I wet myself.

I made it to the toilet and yelled to Nick that my water broke. He just laid in bed (processing?) and I started to cry. I wasn't ready. My bags weren't packed and I hadn't finished things at work. SHIT! And guess what, that uncomfortable feeling...oh, those were contractions.

Now at this point, I didn't want to be that woman that goes to the hospital and they send her home. BUT per my dr's instructions, if your water broke you were supposed to be at the hospital within a few hours; so we went.

After we were admitted into our labor room, one of the first things the nurse asks you are your goals. Goals? Well my only goal was to try to have a natural birth but I didn't want to reveal that goal for fear of failure. At that point, I was just uncomfortable...this couldn't be the type of pain that people talk about? As she stood there with the pen uncapped, waiting for an answer, I decided to tell her; and she wrote it up for the world to see.

Goals

1) natural labor

2) skin to skin

I'll spare you the 12 hours of walking around trying to get my contractions to start back up again. Fast forward to 7pm on the 28th and my contractions had finally come to the point where I had to stop talking/walking and focus. By 10 pm, they agreed to check me in between contractions and I had dilated to 5cm. Um, that means I still have 5 more to go...

At that point, the only position that felt good was standing up and leaning over, burying my head into the bed. Now Nick had stayed mostly silent up to this point, he would lay down in bed and jump up every time a contraction started and would massage my lower back. Although, he was still watching TV (I heard him laughing at Jimmy Kimmel) he was 100% on task during the painful parts. Pain, I said it, there was a lot of pain. A type a pain that I cannot even begin to describe. The type of pain that makes you come so close to fainting and throw up everything you've put into your stomach in the last 48 hours. Crazy pain.

So like the crazy ladies on the videos, I was taking off my clothes and counting to 45 each time. I knew if I made it to 30 the worst was over but at 45 counts, I could count on it being almost over every time. Now the best part about having a natural labor is that your body builds in these crazy breaks just when you think you can't do it anymore. My nurse Karen, just reminded me to take it 1 at a time and just when I thought I might pass out or have to quit, I would get a 3 minute break. At this point Karen (rockstar!) suggested that I get in the tub to soften the cervix and take some weight off my legs. I'm completely naked at this point (who am I?) on all fours in the tub asking Nick to cover my butt so no one will look at it...I still had some humility.

Except that I thought I was going to shit myself so I kept asking if I could sit on the toilet and my nurse kept reassuring me that I wouldn't shit myself. This reassurance only gave me temporary relief because she couldn't possibly know the type of pressure I was feeling in my butt!!! Side note: I didn't shit myself, and I don't have hemorrhoids...this in itself is a small victory.

Karen promised to check me again in an hour, as she was doing so the rest of my water broke and I was 10 cm. Hallelujah! Now there was no doctor in the vicinity, they hadn't even called him yet! And Karen said it was time to push...what? really? already? And just then I was hit with the type of pain that would knock the HULK right to the freakin' floor!

Karen also promised it would be quick, "he's sitting so low," "he is right there, that is why you are feeling all that rectal pressure," "5 more pushes and you'll get to meet him."

Now close to an hour later, Nick is cheering, and there I am thinking that it's all over, except the HULK is still down for the count. And the doctor goes, "Now one more push to get his shoulders out."

What the...?

You've got to be kidding me! No, I quit! Can I quit now?

Nick shoves my head into my chest and tells me to push, push harder.

And suddenly, he really is here, all of him, all ten fingers and toes. With Nick's butt chin and my Dad's furrowed brow. He is here.

I remember Jenni telling me once they are here, all the pain goes away. But what she didn't tell me was that the pain goes away only after the placenta is removed and those stitches are done. That part was really, really painful.

But after that was over, all my endorphins kicked in and I fell madly, deeply, ferociously in love with a 6 lbs, 10 oz little baby boy.

And I couldn't believe it. I did it. I totally did it. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be able to have this experience, that nothing went wrong. I know there was a lot of luck involved. I know how lucky I am. But I did it. I'm damn proud of myself. I have a new prospective on life, this experience changed everything.

He changed everything.