Toddler Conversations

Let me start by setting the scene...

We are at the pool, and I've been making a big deal about "trying" to pee before getting into the pool (or bath). Why? I don't know...because that is what parents do, they teach their kids where it's okay to pee and not pee. But, to be honest, I don't really care if he pees in the pool.  Pools and showers are totally fine by me. Gross? Maybe. Again, I don't care.

We swim for a good thirty minutes and Charlie drinks enough water to make "my tummy hurt," so that is always a good excuse to get out...so we do, and hang out in the warm shower for a bit...before all the old ladies start complaining about how there won't be any warm water left for them to pre-shower before water aerobics class (run-on sentence much?). Meanwhile...I'm holding Mack, while confirming to old lady that yes, the baby does have "one of those approved swim diapers" on and shampooing both the boys...needless to say, my hands are full.

Charlie: Mom, I have to go pee.
Mom: (mumbles) go in the shower.
C: What?
Mom: (a little clearer) go ahead and just go in the shower.
C: (...starts to take off his swimsuit)
M: uh, no...just go...just, like, pee in your shorts.
C: WHAT? Pee in my shorts?
M: just pee
C: Hey Mom! Look! I'm Peeing!
M: (...ignoring)
C: LOOK, MOM! I'm PEEING!
M: (pretend not to hear)
old lady: stink eye/glare

It was probably all watered down anyway, right?
Old Lady needs to take a chill pill.

RUBPoL

Random, Unsolicited Bullet Points on Life.
Volume 4.
in.your.face.NOW

• In passing, Nick brought up the idea of getting a haircut. And I wouldn't let it go. I begged. And begged. And because my life is so utterly exciting right now. I begged some more. And he finally let me shave it all off...but only if I took a shot. Say what? Yes, a shot of vodka. I agreed, but only if I could cut first. I cut, he looks dapper. I didn't take the shot. (why? because I'm 31 and not nearly as spry as I used to be AND these boobies are carrying liquid gold. I will not. I repeat. I will not pump & dump).

• Because I'm now a sahm. I had time to do these Valentine's for Charlie's toddler class at school. Now, keep in mind, last year I was appalled that they celebrated Valentine's Day at a preschool, with (gasp) candy. This year, why the heck not? Here is my effort. Yes, I did every thing. Charlie did nothing.

• We just scheduled a trip to Hawaii this summer. I'm super excited. Every time I plan something for our future life, I calculate Mack's age and think how much easier he'll be at that time.
• All things considered, Mack's still pretty easy. BUT. We've had a sleep regression. Just last week, I was bragging how we were getting 7-8 hour stretches. It was a tease. Because he's been waking up every 4-5 hours the last few nights. I'm at a loss. Suggestions?
• Charlie has been plagued with a minor case of "itchy butt," which I'm pretty sure would be solved if he just decided to use the potty... But, after putting an alcohol based cream on it last night (I was too lazy to get up and get the butt paste), he starting screaming, "IT'S SPICY! Mommy, IT'S SPICY!" I'm assuming that is toddler talk for "it burns."
• We've had some nice weather the last few weeks, so we've had plenty of time to practice bike riding. I suggest a strider bike for all toddlers, its pretty amazing how fast they pick it up.

Toddler Conversations

This was an actual conversation with this toddler on the way home from school today.

Mom (Me): Pee-eww! A skunk!

Charlie: What?
M: Somone hit a skunk, and it smells
C: Why?
M: Because a skunk walked into the road and a car was probably going to fast and hit the skunk.
C: Why?
M: Because that is what happens when humans build roads through the skunk's home.
C: Pee-eww! Pee-Pee! Poo-Poo!
M: No Potty Talk!
C: Why? I wanna potty talk.
M: Because I said so, and I'm the boss-man.
C: You're not a man, Daddy is a man. You're a girl.
M: Fine. I'm the boss woman.
C: No, YOU'RE A GIRL, you have boobies.
M: Why do you have to be such a know-it-all?
C: Because I'm a MAN!

whatever.