Ooooh the GUILT.

I've always had a guilty conscience. As a kid, whenever I would lie, it would just eat at me. I remember laying in bed praying to God for forgiveness. Ironically, this was also the time I quit praying because I figured it was easier to quit lying then is was to always ask for forgiveness. Hence my horribly candid personality.

As I got older, the guilt would eat a me if I missed a swim practice or thought I didn't work hard enough in a workout. I still don't understand why Nick doesn't feel "bad" when he has a day off from exercising.

Forget what Freud would say, it's weird right?

BUT being a mom has brought on more guilt than I could have ever anticipated.
I feel guilty about everything...
I feel guilty for taking him to childcare at the gym.
I feel guilty about leaving him with the babysitter.
I feel guilty about leaving him with his Dad.
I feel guilty about working.
I feel guilty about letting him cry.

It's like ending every day knowing I could have/should have done a better job at being a mom.

Anyway, I bring this up because today we went to Charlie's 6 month appointment at the doctor and come to find out the kid has only gained 4 ounces in the last two months. Really? Do I suck that much at feeding my kid? I mean, he is always fussy after he eats. He is always pissed when you take away the boob or the bottle. But let's be real, his Dad can't carry on a conversation during a meal because it would interrupt the constant stream of food from plate to mouth. Both of the boys give me stink eye if I try to talk while they're eating.
But really, only 4 ounces???

So yes, I've been starving my kid for the last two months. Guilt isn't even a good word to describe what I am feeling...culpable, sucky, horrible, bad? Bad. I feel really bad.